Keep building the ark, revival rain's comin'

"How did you feel about worship today?"

You see that's just it, with this learning curve i'm currently on, i don't think it matters at all how i felt about worship. It's not even about my planning, my good ideas, my own efforts, it's really just about showing up and trying to be as available as i can for God to use. And when it's over - evaluation process - pretty much pointless. How did it go? I have no idea. I showed up, I tried to follow the Spirit the best I could, that's it. That's all there is. Now, that's not to say i don't learn things in the process. for instance, yesterday, i learned that canned music does not create the same atmosphere of worship as even one person playing a live guitar. I honestly didn't think it mattered, in fact, i thought putting my ipod on meant the kids would have music that was more energetic better done by more instruments than i could do it and that certainly would be great and we'd sing along. Well i tell ya it felt so dead as we tried to sing along and dance, march, follow the leader, wave our flags. Going through the motions, not Engaged. I also learned that the electronic keyboard which makes its sound through a little black monitor box does not produce the same live worship vibe either. it must be something about acoustic instruments - guitar, percussion, i imagine a real piano would also do this - the sound waves creating energy in the air, the vibrations of the hammers striking, reaching out, striking something in us. So, yes, i learned things yesterday and it's good to think about them and capture them but beyond that i have no desire to evaluate any part of my or our performance at this point in my learning curve. The learning curve that basically takes me out of the equation to make anything happen. Mine is only to show up and pray pray pray that God shows up too. And, as a good friend pointed out when i called her crying the night before desperate and needing God to show up at kids worship, He cares more about their experience with Him than i do, doesn't He? Don't i think He cares more about Emmett's walk with Him than i? And what about Cayden? Ok, yeah. But i really really want to see Him actually start to show up - the supernatural - a revolution. this is what i decided it all came down to as far as my efforts go: to make room for God to show up. Not get so wrapped up and tunnel visioned on my own plans and efforts that i don't make space for God to come and make the time what He wants it to be. That's what i learned this weekend. And, by the way, i've never been so desperate for revival to come. have you ever ACHED for revival? i have never ached for it until this weekend. It hurts. and there seems to be nothing i can do to make it happen - but pray (and plead) and make room for God to come. fortunately after ian's sermon yesterday reminding me of Noah's building of the boat with no rain in sight, we will continue to build this boat as best we can and God can send the rain when He wants to send the rain. it strikes me that He most certainly can tell when our boat is ready to handle it much better than i, so i'm gonna trust Him in that timing.