Safety and Freedom Go Hand in Hand

We have for a couple years now had an amazing culture of freedom in our KidsChurch worship. We've jumped on trampolines, danced, jumped, stomped, drummed, twirled, jump roped, and hula hooped for God. Yet all this time I've struggled with it being unsafe. Kids are great at being free, but are still exploring their space and learning how their bodies function. So they have a hard time determining when they are in someone else's space or when they've switched from slow jogging to roadrunner speed. For awhile now I've been trying to sort out how to maintain the freedom, but increase the safety. I place such a high value on the freedom because it allows the kids to explore how they worship God. This idea of freedom in worship goes against what we've been telling kids for years. "When you are a child the way to worship is to sing and do some cute actions." While this is a valuable way to worship for many kids it is disenchanting for about the same amount of kids. So we have been living in a place of freedom that has been scary for me as a volunteer and now more scary because I am the person responsible for creating the safe environment. Until now I would play 'traffic cop' during worship and walk around and tell kids to stop whipping each other around, running too fast, etc. This is exhausting.

The tension came to a head this last week when I told the kids we couldn't run in worship and then we sang a song with a lyric that said, "I am free to run." Except they weren't free to run. As I was trying to figure all of this out someone said to me, "Well in adult worship we have a place up front for people to dance and wave flags. They don't do it in the seats because that would be unsafe." This clicked something into place for me. In our adult service there is great freedom, but even there safety parameters have been put in place. If we all sat in chairs and waved flags people would get smacked in the face, poked in the eye, and leave unhappy and frustrated. Freedom is not freedom if we don't feel safe. Getting smacked in the face by someone else's freedom would not feel like freedom to me, only to the person who is waving the flag. Safety releases more freedom.

So this is what KidsChurch is starting to look like now. The kids are free to run in worship, but they must run along the outside perimeter of the room. The middle is reserved for dancers, action doers, singers, etc. The kids at camp were also introduced to safe or unsafe. When a kid is being unsafe I simple go to them and say, "What you're doing is unsafe. You can be safe or have a seat until you are ready to be safe." See they are not in trouble. IT IS NOT A PUNISHMENT. Actually they can decide to change their behavior in that moment and continue to participate. I actually had 2 six year olds that were hitting each other that I did this with and they immediately decided that it was more fun to play soccer without hitting than to sit under a tree. They are also in charge of when they rejoin the group if they decide to sit out. The child returns when he/she is ready, not when I decide. There is no lecture involved, just safe or unsafe. This changed the entire atmosphere. Kids are smart. They got it almost immediately. It very quickly annihilated the hitting and other inappropriate behaviors because we have an already established culture of participation to build on. The kids WANT to participate. The best part, I left feeling great instead of drained and worn out.

A Safe House

This week we learned about 'safe worship'. I will let Erin tell you more about that corner turned (a new installment in the development of an establishing culture). Let me theorize on why the need for a 'safety' talk in worship...

You see our kids know how to be free. Let me back up - kids know how to be free. If left to their own devices, freedom abounds. Somewhere in the mix, adults teach them how to have restraint and boundaries and -- if we are not unrestrained in our teaching of restrain -- we can squelch very much natural-kid-freedom. I am blessed to be in a church where there are many examples of families who encourage and even foster freedom in their children as they are growing up to be... well, more of who they are. And, we live under a leadership and culture here at VOP of freedom, more and more. Yes, within that there are boundaries that bring safety, but again I will let Erin speak to that aspect. The part I know and have flourished in is the bringing back of freedom.

You see, I have had to re-learn to be free. I knew it once, but then I got all caught up in rules and expectations and trying to please people and not rock the boat and forgot how to be free, and how to be... just me. It is something I have had to re-learn. I knew it at age 5 when I rode like a mad-person down the big hill in front of my house in town alongside the neighbor boys on my Big Wheel. I lost it when I got punished for that because it scared an adult that I was too close to the street - it wasn't safe. I guess looking back objectively now, I understand her reaction and the need for that particular thing to not happen. But there was no alternative given. Hm. How do we balance -- how do we create a Safe place of Freedom?

I can not lie to you, I am the LAST person in the room to recognize when kids-being-free-in-worship is possibly creating a not-safe environment -- because my heart's passion and focus is for people to (1) discover and then (2) be free in their expression of worship. I guess that is why it is a good idea to do this stuff together, act like a body, and create that environment together.

This week I am thankful for a wide open sanctuary space to run and dance and hula hoop and jump rope and sing and play. I am thankful for musicians who show up and serve our kids - and go for it in their own wild and free worship. I am thankful for adults who notice, teach, guide, monitor and bless safe free worship. And I am thankful for a bunch of kids who know how to be kids and are gracious to be led even as they are leading us (in freedom).